Interludes: Habit & Routine

When I graduated, I expected to miss certain things about my college experience, like the impromptu meals with friends, easy access to ready-made meals, and living in a hub of people my age. But the thing I've missed the most that I honestly wasn't expecting has been my school routine. Now being back at home and without a stable, structured routine, I miss the ease of knowing how and where to spend my time each day (even if I didn't always adhere to my routine).

My days at school were pretty much the same—my alarm went off at 7:00 a.m. every day and I spent time reading the Bible before getting ready; I ate at the same dining locations and usually had multiple meals each week with friends; I went to my classes and afterward went to the library to do homework; I was back in my room after dinner, and usually in bed by 10:30 p.m.

At home my days look different, so much so that I can't even give a general overview of what they look like, except that they almost always begin with me hitting the snooze button multiple times. Yet even this lack of structure and consistency has become a kind of routine for me, though one that I would not have consciously chosen for myself.

Shifting so quickly from one environment to another has shown me 1) that I am a creature of habit and routine, 2) I thrive under good habits and routines, and 3) good habits and routines don't come naturally or by accident. This is not an entirely new revelation for me or people in general.

Part of my journey in understanding how habits and routines affect my life has been reading the book The Common Rule by Justin Earley (a read I highly recommend). In the book, Earley talks about coming to terms with his own habits and taking action to take hold of the negative habits that had pushed him into a downward spiral. He focuses on 8 "keystone" habits—practices that, though they seem small, have a transformational impact.

I'm not going to tell you all about those habits now (you should definitely read the book if you want to know about them), but I will tell you some of the key takeaways about habit and routine that I picked up from this read.

1. Understanding & abiding within our limits frees us.

Earley talks a lot about the pitfalls of believing that life without limits is "freedom." He argues that rejecting our limits overwhelms us with too many options, ultimately pushing us toward the bad habits our society has ready for us, but living within the right limits frees us to do what we were made for. When we acknowledge that we really can't do it all, it forces us to look at our options with discernment to find what's best for us, rather than just blindly taking whatever is put in front of us.

2. When we don't choose our habits, they're chosen for us.

None of the options put before us are neutral. The shows we watch, the things we listen to, what we look at on our phones, all of it is curated not by benevolent or even neutral forces but people and companies who are highly motivated to capture our attention (and our money). When we are not intentional about our habits, we slide into the habits that have already been prepared for us by the system that wants to captivate us.

3. Our habits are intrinsically linked to our relationships with others.

Another common thread in Earley's book is the importance of community. Most of the habits he suggests are firmly centered on building and maintaining community because, he asserts, that's what we were made for. Rather than push us more into isolation and a false sense of self-sufficiency, good habits draw us into community with those who will encourage us and hold us accountable, as we were always made to live.

4. Failure will happen.

As I sit here writing this, I must admit: this blog was supposed to be published nearly five days ago, but when I woke up Thursday morning I couldn't quite get myself to sit down at my desk and write it. I failed to follow through on one of the habits I'm trying to create in my life, and it was discouraging.

Earley says in his book that "failure is not the enemy of formation; it is the liturgy of formation." Failure is a necessary and unavoidable part of building habits, so when we fail, we shouldn't let it discourage us from continuing to pursue what we've set out for.

5. Love must come first.

If our motivation is tied up in the wrong things, failure will debilitate us when it comes. Earley asserts that beauty must be the goal of building habits, not self-help or success. When we make curating a beautiful life the goal, failure doesn't push us down into despair, but makes the goal shine even brighter so we can get up and try again.

I am by no means an expert on habit or routine at this stage of my life, and it's likely that I never will be. But that doesn't make the pursuit of good habits any less worthwhile. On the contrary, I believe it makes the decision that much sweeter to continue to pursue good habits and learn along the way as I try to structure my life in a way that helps me thrive.